A Letter to the Struggling BJJ Beginner

If you're reading this, chances are you're a few weeks or months into your BJJ journey and you're wondering what the hell you've gotten yourself into. Maybe you're exhausted after every class, maybe you can't remember which way to turn during a hip escape, or maybe you're getting tapped so fast you barely know what happened. You might be thinking that everyone else seems to "get it" while you're still trying to figure out which end is up.

I'm writing this for you – the person who's struggling, who's doubting, who's wondering if they're cut out for this. I want you to know something important: you're not broken, you're not hopeless, and you're definitely not alone.

What You're Really Fighting

Right now, you're not just learning BJJ – you're fighting a war on multiple fronts, and most of it is happening in your head.

You're dealing with imposter syndrome on steroids. Every time you walk into the gym, you feel like everyone can see that you don't belong. You think there's some secret manual everyone else got that you missed. You wonder if people are being polite when they say "good roll" or if they're secretly relieved when they don't have to train with you.

You're caught in what I call the competence-confidence death spiral. You perform poorly because you're nervous, then you lose confidence because you performed poorly, which makes you more nervous, which makes you perform worse. It's a vicious cycle that feels impossible to break.

If you're like most adult beginners, BJJ is also threatening your sense of identity. You might be successful in your career, competent in other areas of life, but on the mats you feel like a complete beginner – which you are, and that's okay. This identity challenge is real and it's hard, especially if you're used to being "good at things."

Finally, you're probably trapped in the comparison game. You're measuring your day-one attempts against someone else's year-three skills. You're watching other people flow through techniques while you're still trying to remember which foot goes where.

Here's the thing: recognising these mental battles is the first step to winning them.

Your Struggle Is Not Unique (And That's Great News)

Every single person in your gym went through exactly what you're going through right now. That smooth purple belt who makes everything look effortless? They spent their first three months getting ragdolled by everyone. That brown belt who explains techniques so clearly? They once forgot how to do a basic hip escape in the middle of a roll.

The difference between them and you isn't talent – it's time. They've simply been accumulating small improvements over months and years. The same process that transformed them is already working on you, even if you can't see it yet.

I know it doesn't feel that way. I know it feels like you're the only person who's ever struggled this much with something so "basic." But I promise you, every single person who's ever stuck with BJJ long enough to get good went through a phase where they questioned whether they were cut out for this.

Small Wins Are Still Wins

You need to start celebrating different things. If you're waiting for your first submission or your first successful escape to feel good about your progress, you're going to be waiting a long time and feeling discouraged the entire time.

Instead, celebrate when you remember to keep your elbows tight during a roll. Celebrate when you don't panic when someone gets mount. Celebrate when you successfully complete a drill without having to ask for help. Celebrate when you last thirty seconds longer in someone's guard than you did last week.

These aren't consolation prizes – they're genuine progress markers. BJJ improvement happens in increments so small they're almost invisible day-to-day, but compound dramatically over time. The person who notices and celebrates small improvements has a massive advantage over the person who only counts major breakthroughs.

Start keeping a simple training log. Not techniques or detailed analysis – just small victories. "Today I remembered to breathe during that intense roll." "I didn't get submitted in the first minute." "I asked a good question about that sweep." Reading back through these entries after a few months will surprise you with how much you've actually improved.

Your Confusion Is Evidence of Learning

This might sound crazy, but being confused and overwhelmed is actually a good sign. It means your brain is encountering new information and trying to process it. The person who walks into BJJ and immediately "gets it" probably isn't learning as much as the person who's struggling to understand.

When you're confused about a technique, when you can't figure out why your attempt didn't work, when you're overwhelmed by all the details – that's your brain actively learning. Confusion is the space between not knowing and knowing. You can't skip it; you have to go through it.

The key is to reframe confusion as part of the process rather than evidence of inability. Every moment of confusion is your brain building new neural pathways. Every failed attempt is teaching your body something it didn't know before. Every time you get tapped, you're gathering information about timing, distance, and leverage that will eventually become intuitive knowledge.

Focus on Your Own Timeline

Stop comparing your progress to others. You have no idea what their journey looked like, what their background is, or how much they're training. Some people come to BJJ with wrestling experience, some are natural athletes, some train twice a day. None of that matters for your journey.

The only comparison that matters is you versus yesterday's you. Are you slightly less confused than you were last week? Are you making fewer basic mistakes? Are you starting to recognize positions before you're completely stuck in them? These are the metrics that matter.

Here's a realistic timeline for what to expect:

Month 1: Success is showing up consistently and not getting injured. You're supposed to be confused and overwhelmed.

Month 3: You should start recognizing basic positions and understanding the general flow of rolling, even if you can't execute techniques well yet.

Month 6: You'll have a few techniques that work sometimes and you'll start having moments where you feel like you're actually doing BJJ instead of just surviving.

Month 12: You'll have some reliable techniques, you'll understand basic strategy, and you'll occasionally surprise yourself with how much you've learned.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. People who stick with BJJ for years don't do it because they were immediately good at it – they do it because they learned to find satisfaction in the process of gradual improvement.

How to Make It Easier on Yourself

Ask Questions: Your confusion is not a character flaw. Ask questions during class, ask questions after class, ask your training partners for advice. The people who seem to "get it" are usually the ones who ask the most questions, not the ones who pretend to understand everything.

Find Your Technique: Pick one simple technique and focus on making it yours. Maybe it's maintaining closed guard, maybe it's a basic hip escape. Having one technique that you can execute reasonably well gives you an anchor of competence when everything else feels chaotic.

Train with Purpose: You don't have to go 100% every roll. Sometimes your job is to work on staying calm under pressure. Sometimes it's to practice a specific position. Sometimes it's just to survive and learn. Training smart is more important than training hard.

Build Relationships: Get to know your training partners. The social connections you build will carry you through the times when the technical progress feels slow. Having people who genuinely want to see you succeed makes all the difference.

Take Care of Your Body: You're asking your body to do things it's never done before. Make sure you're eating well, sleeping enough, and listening to your body when it needs rest. Consistency over intensity will serve you better in the long run.

The Transformation Is Real

I know it's hard to believe right now, but you're going to change. Not just your BJJ skills – you as a person. The process of learning to stay calm under pressure, to problem-solve in real time, to persist through difficulty – these skills transfer to every area of your life.

Six months from now, you're going to have a roll where everything clicks for a moment. You'll execute a technique you've been drilling, or you'll escape from a bad position, or you'll see a submission opportunity and take it. In that moment, you'll remember how impossible it all seemed in the beginning.

A year from now, you'll be the person helping a struggling new student, and you'll remember exactly how they feel. You'll have something valuable to offer them: proof that persistence overcomes initial disadvantage.

The Bottom Line

You chose to do something difficult. You chose to put yourself in a situation where you're constantly challenged, where you can't rely on your existing skills, where you have to be okay with being bad at something while you slowly get better.

That choice took courage. Sticking with it takes even more courage.

Every time you show up to class despite feeling overwhelmed, you're building something more valuable than technique – you're building character. You're proving to yourself that you can persist through difficulty, that you can learn hard things, that you can transform yourself through consistent effort.

The person you're becoming through this process is worth the discomfort you're experiencing now. Trust the process, trust your instructors, trust your training partners, and most importantly, trust yourself.

You belong here. Your struggle is temporary. Your growth is permanent.

Keep showing up. Keep asking questions. Keep celebrating small victories.

The breakthrough is coming.

If you’re ready to dive into the world of authentic Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu training, consider visiting The Jiu-Jitsu Foundry at 72-C, Jalan SS21/62, Damansara Utama, Petaling Jaya, WhatsApp 011-11510501. Embrace the challenge, improve your skills, and discover how Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu can transform your martial arts journey!

Be good!